Promote Capn’n Crunch To Admiral!

Now here’s an issue I can sink my teeth into.

We are aware of a grave injustice which has occurred within the Quaker Oats Company. Cap’n Crunch has worked for Quaker Oats for the past 35 years. That is over one third of the average human’s life. He has dedicated his life to defeating the Soggies which he has done without fail. He has also protected the crunchberries for the past 33 years. We believe that at the very least, the Quaker Oats Company should promote the Cap’n to an Admiral.